My dear son wants to try out for varsity soccer, which starts in the spring. Yesterday he attended an informational meeting about it, at which the coach said that he doesn’t take kids who don’t have decent grades. Aagh! Panic! Last report card had 2 Fs and this one’s going to have at least 1… don’t think that is what the coach means by “decent”. I hope that motivates him to try harder to get his grades up rather than giving up altogether…

So my daughter’s gone away to school. Thank goodness for texting and free phone calls to each other! Not that I call her all the time, but it is very fun to get random texts from her- it makes me feel less disconnected, and prob does for her as well. She’s finding it cumbersome to be a 17 yr old college freshman, as she can’t even go in lots of places with her friends, places that don’t let in kids! under 18.

His teacher has recommended our DS change his English class from honors to regular. He’s failing the honors class, not because he can’t do the work but because he only does it sporadically. His grades for the last couple of weeks in that class are A, F, A, A, F, F, A, F. When he does the work he gets an A. When he doesn’t he gets an F. Amazing how that works! We will follow the teachers recommendation and move him, but I hope he doesn’t walk away from this thinking that if he doesn’t do hard work that’s asked of him he’s given easier work instead…

My son has commented that there isn’t much diversity in his HS, and now that he mentions it, it is a very pale campus. He isn’t discriminatory, he talks to everyone, which I think is a good thing. But some of the guys have called him a wigger for his association with persons of color. Really?!? In 2008?!? Makes me realize that it’s not just Joe Redneck that is still narrow minded, it’s Joe Professor too.  Guess who Joe Professor is voting for? And strictly on the basis of color. Amazing. And disturbing.

The pediatrician said, based on conversations with us and him and checklists that our son could have GAD (general anxiety disorder) and/or ADD (no H). But she said the ADD tendencies could be a symptom of the anxiety, and most ADD meds are stimulants which can cause anxiety, so let’s start with Prozac for anxiety and go from there. We did, and I noticed that he’s not freaking out about things like what pants he should wear, which is good. He’s failing 2 classes so far this year- but he’s not freaking out about things. [Is that good? LOL] He also isn’t getting in trouble at school or at home, just isn’t doing his homework. I think he’s just not motivated, but I’m suspicious that there are attention issues underneath it all..

Ok, so my DH and I filled out the NICHQ and I got two from 2 of our son’s last years’ teachers… one who had a devil of a time with him, and one that wasn’t a favorite teacher, but didn’t have huge probs either. The teachers gave them back to me to give to the dr, so I was able to see their responses.

I found info about how to score the checlists online but it made me even more confused. Guess they’re designed for medical professionals, not regular folks like me.

Which Disorder does he have, if any… Attention Deficit? Oppositional Defiant? General Anxiety? Or some other comorbidity [which sounds like something related to death to me but apparently means co-existing condition]?

Altho the teacher he had most probs with scored him high in ODD categories we don’t see a lot of oppositional type behavior at home… he’s generally very cooperative. [Maybe bc we tiptoe around him?] But he can be a real stubborn little shit and will say no to something that he likes even just because he’s in a ‘no’ mood. I’m trying to figure out when that happens and it seems to be when his back’s up against the wall he can’t think straight and the only thing he can do is buck up. Is that ODD??

I’d say GAO and some OCD and maybe ADD and because of those things sometimes reacts like ODD. Wonder of that makes any sense. And how in the world do you treat that? If the anxiety levels were lower (which may come from better attention bc then he’d not be in trouble – or he’d be able to pay attention better if there’s less anxiety) I think the frustration, aka the ODDish behavior would be lower too.

Well we have an appt tomorrow so we’ll see what the dr says.

I ordered the Total Transformation Program (TTP), a series of audio lessons for people who are “trying to parent a defiant, out of control child”. Mine isn’t defiant or out of control all the time, but he is sometimes, and since there’s a 30 day return policy I thought what the heck. They are selling this program, a workbook and a set of ~10 audio CDs for $300, and I tried not to think about how much it costs them to generate the materials and what kind of profit they’re making.  When I received it I quick listened to all the CDs, then I plan to go back with the workbook and listen more carefully. A lot of the things seem to apply to REALLY out of control kids, and mine isn’t quite that. He’ll happily take out the trash, or cut the grass, or pull weeds when asked. But he won’t do English homework. Anyway, I did learn a couple of things…

kids with low self esteem and low problem solving abilities hang out with low performing kids because then there’s not much expectation of them. My husband keeps asking our son why he always hangs out with hoodlums- that may be why.

when my son wants to negotiate/argue, I will turn and walk away. Even if huffing and puffing continue while I’m walking away, I won’t turn back around- I will keep walking.

I need to keep my emotions out of it. My husband and I are creating a product, a well-functioning contributing adult, and the things I do help or hinder the process.

rewards include things he bought himself, like his ipod. if he doesn’t do a certain thing (like English homework) it should be will be taken away.

my dear 14 year old son has been seeing a counselor for about 6 months… and he recently recommended we visit the pediatrician and ask her about meds for general anxiety disorder. We went to see her, all 3 of us, and shared what’s been going on. Avoidance of [some] schoolwork, defensiveness, inability to get started on larger tasks or projects… I was surprised – pleasantly so- that he shared honestly. And she gave us screening instruments for ADD. I thought ADD = hyperactivity, but that’s apparently the one with the ‘H’ in it (go figure) and kids with ADD have a difficult time focusing their attention. She asked him if the teachers he got along with would nicely remind him to get back to work during the day and he said yes. The teachers he didn’t get along with weren’t willing to do so and just got mad at him. She said other things, like ODD and OCD can come along with ADD. I tend to agree with the counselor that it’s more anxiety than attention, because I’ve seen him freak out about really unimportant things like what pants to wear. But I am glad we’ve got the process started, and glad that he’s ok with the idea of finding out what’s going on.

Last week I went upstairs when my son was in the shower, and as I walked past his room I thought I smelled something. I opened his door and smelled it stronger, coming from the bathroom, where the shower was running. I flung open the bathroom door and there was my dear sweet 14 year old smoking pot buck naked on the pot. Did he want to get caught? Is he so naive to think we wouldn’t notice?? And does he think we’re going to teach him how to drive when he turns 15 next month?!? He said he got it from a friend and has only done it a couple of times and won’t do it again, but he doesn’t sound very repentant. He’s grounded, or under house arrest as it were, and he can’t close his bedroom door (his dad’s idea). We’re going to buy drug tests to test him from time to time and are going to sign him up for a substance abuse awareness class. I’m afraid he’s self-medicating to calm his anxiety, and am glad we have an appt with the pediatrician to see about prescribed, supervised meds. I am tempted to tell him I’ll call the cops if it’s in my house again but I don’t know if I’ll be able to actually do it ….

After working on it, from purchase to plans to destruction to construction, for 2 YEARS we’re finally moved into the house. Yay! http://housetales.wordpress.com/